Pick Up Lines - Demigod Edition!
by SoulHorse
Summary: Leo proposes a pick up line contest! What chaos will ensue? Crack! fic. Late Valentine's Day special!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey demigods! So, Soul back with a Valentine oneshot, since it tied with Mystic Messenger for Valentine's Day ^^ I literally had no ideas, so this is mostly crack and just…fun? I don't know anymore…**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own PJO.**

"Um…what?" The Seven, plus Reyna, Nico, and Will stared at the mischievous, curly haired teen.

"It's Valentine's Day! So I propose a pick up line contest!" Leo exclaimed.

"…now?" Jason asked awkwardly.

"Yes, now!" Leo replied impatiently.

"I'm out." Reyna flashed her sunglasses and started to strut out Bunker 9's door, when it slammed shut.

"You're not going anywhere," Leo snickered and rubbed his hands evilly.

"Oh shit…this is gonna be bad…" Piper muttered, face palming at her idiotic best friend.

"Do we have to?" Nico wheedled. "I just wanna make out with Will."

He gazed up passionately at the handsome son of Apollo, who smirked and smashed his lips onto the smaller boy's.

"Keep it PG," Frank scolded, covering the eyes of Hazel. The girl knocked her boyfriend's hands away and pulled out a camera and started snapping pictures.

"THE GAYNESS!" she screamed.

"Calm yourself child." Annabeth leaned against the wall in the shadows, watching. "There is more gayness to come." She pushed herself off the wall and strode out, a devilish smirk on her face. "We _are_ having a pick up line contest, aren't we?"

"SEE?! Annabeth is all for it!" Leo protested.

"Me too!" Percy chimed. " _No one_ can beat the Persassy Jackson!" he declared.

"Oh, is that a challenge, Jackson?" Jason's eyes flared. "You're going _down_ , at the hands of Jasassy Grace!"

Piper face palmed. "Try hard, much?" she muttered.

"So you hate my name?!" the blonde boy exclaimed.

"Yeah, and if you have a problem, FIGHT ME!" the daughter of Aphrodite shouted.

"FINE! I'M GONNA BE JACE HERONDALE!" Jason yelled.

"Asstard say what now?" Annabeth glared the blue eyed teen. "JACE IS A THOUSAND TIMES BETTER THAN YOU!"

"HE'S A FICTIONAL CHARACTER!"

"So are we…" Percy muttered. He grinned up at the readers and flashed a peace sign. "What's up guys? Sorry, this writer was on crack when she wrote this."

"STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL! WE JUST PATCHED IT UP!" Frank yelled.

"GUYS CAN WE PICK UP LINE NOW OR WHAT?!" Leo shouted over the squabbling mess. "All in favor of the contest?!"

"YOU WANNA GO GRACE?!" Annabeth shouted.

"YEAH LET'S GO! WHERE ARE WE GOING?!" Jason shot back.

"YOU STUPID!" Reyna jumped onto Jason and slammed a brick onto his head.

"BRICKSON!" Hazel screamed, turning away from her brother and his boyfriend to take quick snapshots of Jason being hit by a brick.

"WHO BROUGHT THE BRICK?!" Piper seethed.

"I brought myself!" Brick sneered. "What are you gonna do about it, daughter of Aphrodite?!"

"I'm gonna kick your ass in this pick up line contest, that's what!"

"BRING IT!"

"We're in!" Piper and Brick yelled in unison.

"That's two out of…how many are here again?" Leo asked.

"707!" Reyna called, tapping on her monster proof phone, playing Mystic Messenger.

"BULLSHIT!"

"Kidding," the dark haired girl laughed. "There's the Seven…plus three…plus Brick…that's 11."

"TWO OUTTA ELEVEN!"

"You forgot I'm in," Annabeth reminded.

"Right! Three!" Leo called.

"PERSASSY JACKSON GONNA WHIP Y'ALL'S ASSES!"

"Four!"

"I CAN BE AS SUAVE AS JACE!"

"…I assume that's five…?"

"I NEED MORE YAOI!"

"…Six!"

Will and Nico broke apart, glaring at everyone. "Will you guys shut up?! We're trying to make out here!"

"We'll leave you guys alone if you join the pick up line contest," Annabeth offered, tightening her ponytail.

Both boys glanced at each other. "Fine."

"Eight!" Leo announced.

Reyna tucked her phone into her back pocket. "Well, I'm waiting for a chatroom to open anyways, I'll play."

"Nine!"

Frank shrugged. "I can always fix the fourth wall later."

"Ten! Who're we missing?"

"YOU DUMBASS!"

"YOU STUPID VALDEZ!"

"Oh right, myself! Eleven!"

The group of eleven gathered into a circle.

"So, how do we play?" Brick asked.

"So, one person starts and they say any pick up line they want to any person of their choice, then picks somebody. If the person they picked doesn't say a pick up line within a three second time frame, they're out," Leo explained.

"Easy enough," Annabeth amended.

"BITCH LEZ GO!" Piper screamed at Brick.

"FIGHT ME WHORE!"

"Let the games begin!" Leo announced.

~.~

"I'll start!" the son of Hephaestus offered. Without missing a beat, he faced Reyna and proclaimed, "My to-do list! Number one is you! Number two…REPEAT!" He turned to face the group. "Jason!"

Jason ran a hand through his cropped blonde hair and face Percy. "Do you have a name or can I call you mine? Your turn, _Persassy_." He licked his lips, causing Hazel to scream in the background and take more pictures.

"I'm not allowed to bet, but if I could, I'd bet on you," Percy winked.

"On a scale of one to ten, you're a nine. I'm the one you need."

"Your shirt can go, but you can stay."

"Our smiles should touch now!"

"You're so hot, I forgot my pick up line."

The others watched in mild fascination, like they were watching a tennis match.

"This is like a tennis match…" Frank muttered.

"YAOI YAOI YAOI YAOI!" Hazel screamed.

"OH MY GODS THEY'RE GETTING CLOSER!" Piper screeched.

"LOVE RIVAL!" Brick shrieked.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Annabeth yelled, moving her tape recorder around expertly.

"And…they're inches away! Who will break first?" Reyna commentated.

"God, this is so stupid," Will muttered, kissing Nico's neck. Nico let out a loud moan as the son of Apollo got a particularly sensitive spot.

"Shut up you two!" Piper hissed.

Percy fired, "I think you're suffering from a lack of vitamin me!"

"Are you an alien? Because you just abducted my heart," Jason replied smoothly.

"Are you a bank loan? Because you've got my interest," the son of Poseidon leaned closer, his breath washing over Jason's face, causing the latter to turn red.

"OH?! IS HE GONNA BREAK?!" Leo screeched into a random mike.

"I'M COMMENTATING JACKASS!" Reyna hurled a frying pan at the son of Hephaestus, who screamed in pain as the pan slammed against his head. He collapsed onto the ground, drool coming out of his mouth and blood dripping from his forehead. Reyna darted over to Leo and instead of checking up on him, grabbed the mike and continued, "WILL JASON BREAK?!"

 **I was legit on crack when I wrote this. VOTE IN REVIEWS WHETHER JASON SHOULD STAY XDD Hope I made you laugh or something ^^**

 **~ Yours in demigoddishness, SoulHorse**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson.**

 **Warning: sexual references and stuff. Read at risk :)**

Jason could hear his heart beating quickly. He was close. _Way_ too close. He could feel Percy's hot breath on his face, his scent wafting over his exposed pecs. Wait… _what?_

The blonde let his gaze slowly drop down, and he was mortified to notice that somewhere along the way, he had stripped his shirt!

"OMIGODS! THE SHIRT HAS COME OFF LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!" Reyna squealed. "HE MEANS BUSINESS!"

But Jason could hardly hear the screams of his friends in the background. A loud thud in the back implied that someone (probably Brick), had fainted from him taking off his shirt and a sobbing sigh, followed by another thud, was probably someone else fainting. Maybe Piper.

He suddenly heard Percy's sexy voice in his ear, sending shivers down his spine.

"Done already baby?" Percy purred.

Jason could feel something getting hard in his pants and he looked down to see Percy's fingers playing with his pant buckle, eyes glittering mischievously.

There was shriek of "YAOI", but Jason didn't see who it was. The only thing he was focused on was Percy's fiddling with his pants.

"If you're done…we can go have a little…" There was an unzipping sound. "Fun."

To both of their surprise, however, something loud and hard dropped onto the floor. Both boys glanced down to see a thick, red square, sobbing as they rolled around on the floor.

"B-Brick?" Jason stammered. "W-what're…?"

"JASONNNNNNNN," Brick sobbed, clinging onto his leg. "PUT ME BACK IN YOUR PANTS! I LOVED PLAYING WITH YOUR BELLY BUTTON!"

"…"

There was a resounding screech and a flash of movement. Jason's vision focused to see Piper McLean wrestling with the Brick.

"BACK THE FUCK OFF YOU INANIMATE OBJECT!" she screamed. "JASON'S MINE!"

"LET'S THROW DOWN!" Brick shouted back. "WITH A GOOD OL' FASHIONED PICK UP LINE CONTEST!"

"OH?! WE HAVE NEW COMPETITORS ENTERING THE RING!" Reyna called into the mike. "MAKE WAY FOR BRICK VERSUS PIPER MCLEAN!"

As the group got distracted with the new competitors, Percy grabbed Jason's hand and winked up at the readers and his screaming horde of fangirls.

"Sorry ladies and readers! Me and Jason gonna take off to keep this PG. Keep the writer from writing about us so this can be continued to be rated T!" he smirked, before dragging a flustered Jason off to a bedroom.

Unbeknownst to them, Leo Valdez had sat up, pressing an ice pack to his forehead, blood still falling from his forehead.

"Ah. I knew they would exclude me from their threesome," Leo mumbled.

"STAY YOUR ASS DOWN VALDEZ!" Annabeth snarled from the other side of the room. A pencil came flying towards the son of Hephaestus and hit him in the forehead, knocking him out.

A wail came from Frank. "WHERE THE HELL IS PERCY AND WHY DID HE BREAK MY WALL AGAIN?!"

.

Back with the ring of demigods on crack, the remaining players had donned black cloaks and had started their chanting and stamping. Candles had eerily surrounded them, floating in midair.

"I, Piper McLean, challenge Brick to a fight for Jason's love," the Cherokee girl declared.

"I, Brick soon-to-be Grace accepts your challenge," the other snarled.

"The tension is real and is sparking in the air," Reyna narrated ominously. "Who will be the winner of this round?"

Annabeth started stamping her foot. "Pi-per. Pi-per. Pi-per," she chanted.

Nico and Will, who had decided to take a break from making out, glared at Annabeth from the other side of the ring.

"Brick-son. Brick-son. Brick-son," they responded, snapping their fingers rhythmically.

Hazel joined in, her sweet voice coldly chanting, "Jas-per. Jas-per. Jas-per."

Frank stood in between both groups, calling out, "Fight! Fight! Fight!"

Reyna spread her hands. "Let the games begin!

Piper started, "Are you a magician? Because whenever I look at you, everyone else disappears." To add to the dramatic effect, she winked at Brick.

Brick let out a huff and shot back, "If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber."

The daughter of Aphrodite slunk towards Brick, a lustful gleam in her eyes. "If you were a fruit, you would be a fine-apple."

The red rectangle of building blocks smiled charmingly at the daughter of Aphrodite, shooting back, "If I had a star in the sky for every time you made me smile, I would be holding a whole galaxy in my hands."

A pink blush dusted Piper's cheeks, but she refused to give in. "Do you have a pencil and eraser? Because I'd like to erase your past and write out future."

Brick reached out and tenderly stroked the other's face. Despite the sweet gesture, there was a mischievous spark in their eyes. "Let's do math right now babe! We should add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and multiply!"

A roar of "OOOOOOH" came from their audience. Hazel screeched like a rabid fangirl and waved her neon colored signs reading: **PRICK FOR THE WIN! PIPER X BRICK!**

Piper licked her lips. _Oh, so that's how they wanna play, huh?_

"Well, are you my homework? Because I'd definitely slam you on the desk and do you all night!"

Brick smirked and crept closer, until they were face to face with Piper. Well, more like face to boobs…

"I love your outfit, babe, but it definitely would look better on my floor." The red block reached over and squeezed Piper's boobs, eliciting a low mewl from her.

"You make me a garden hose, Brick. You turn me on and make me squirt everywhere," the daughter of Aphrodite gasped out, as Brick began to play with her breasts.

"Sweetheart, did you sit in a pile of sugar? Cuz you got a sweet ass!" Brick taunted, slapping Piper's ass.

To everyone's shock, she let out a filthy bedroom moan, turning Brick on even more.

"Oh Brick!" Piper groaned. "I hope you like cats because you can have this pussy!"

Brick let a growl rip from their throat before screaming, "PIPER MCLEAN! I'M GONNA TAKE YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!"

"OH BRICK!" she squealed.

The remaining players stared in disbelief, before Reyna snatched the mic and shrieked, "TAKE IT TO ANOTHER ROOM!"

The two didn't hear, however, to the disgust of the group. Annabeth snapped her fingers and spun, pointing finger guns at Frank and Will.

"You two! Take these two to another room or suffer watching _Boku No Pico_ for the rest of your life!" she cackled evilly.

"AYE AYE CAPTAIN!" The two boys quickly wrapped up the writhing couple in a blanket and tossed them into a broom closet.

"So, who are the next victims?" Nico asked curiously, still swaying his hips to his own rhythmic snapping.

Hazel's eyes gleamed. "Nico and Will!" she chanted. "SOLANGELO IS MY OTP!"

Reyna slammed her mallet down. "AND IT IS DECREED NICO AND WILL WILL PARTAKE IN THE NEXT ROUND! WHO WILL COME OUT VICTORIOUS?!"

x

Meanwhile, a black and blue, beat up Leo Valdez, dragged himself into the living room, mumbling to himself.

"I, Leo Valdez, solemnly swear that I will hook up with them after this game!" he hissed acrimoniously. "And nothing will stop me!"

 **Um. Ha ha ha…I dunno where I went wrong. Sorry for the amount of sexual shit in this chapter. And long ass hiatus :) freshman year is dope (kidding) lol XD Anyhoo, have a great day/night!**

 **~ *snapping fingers rhythmically***

 **Soul**


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